


Redemption

by webspinner2



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 18:18:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11949948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webspinner2/pseuds/webspinner2
Summary: Post-breakup and Alec is not doing well. Will he ever be able to explain to Magnus why he went to see Camille, or is it just all too late?





	Redemption

#### Chapter 1

Jace was worried. It was five weeks after the battle at the Burren, the success of which had returned him to his family. He was still having trouble controlling the heavenly fire resulting from the wound he’d received, demon activity was steadily increasing in the city, and Sebastian was still on the loose. Any of those things would have been enough to cause Jace’s concern, but he was a warrior, born and bred, and the only thing on his mind this morning was his parabati, his brother… Alec. 

Jace knew that Alec’s breakup with his boyfriend Magnus had been devastating. Reserved and quiet, Alec didn’t let a lot of people get close to him, but once he had let you in, you were there forever. Jace remembered finding Alec the day it happened, huddled in a dark corner of his room at the Institute as if he’d been beaten. Jace had been alarmed and knelt down next to Alec touching his shoulder gently. Alec had seemed to shatter then, sobbing uncontrollably. Slowly, painfully the whole story had emerged, how desperately Alec loved Magnus, how difficult it had been to deal with the mortal/immortal issues. The idea that he would age and die and Magnus would go on forever. Even more painful had been his fear that he was somehow trivial to Magnus. The secretive High Warlock of Brooklyn did not like to talk about himself or his past and that had left Alec feeling vulnerable and alone in the relationship. 

Alec confessed to Jace about his meetings with Camille Belcourt, a rogue vampire wanted by the Clave, who had at one time been Magnus’s lover. She had enticed him with the promise that she could help him be with Magnus forever, but hearing her solutions had convinced Alec that he should never have listened to her in the first place. Though Alec knew it was wrong, he continued to visit Camille because she could talk to him about Magnus, help him to understand the complex man he loved so very much. It was Camille’s betrayal of these secret meetings to Magnus that had resulted in their breakup. Magnus had been very angry, accusing Alec of trying to shorten his life and telling him that even if he had ultimately decided against Camille’s plan his lack of trust had irrevocably destroyed the relationship.

Jace had done his best to comfort Alec, suggesting they train or go out hunting to try to take his brother’s mind off the overwhelming pain. It didn’t take Jace long, however, to realize that while the intense activity succeeded in distracting Alec temporarily, it was perhaps not the best way to help him cope. Jace watched helplessly as Alec threw himself into more and more extreme training and reckless battles. Seeing Alec this way made Jace realize just how much he had relied on Alec to watch his back all those years. Alec was the one that grounded him, kept him safe when he’d been reckless, and now the shoe was on the other foot. 

If stepping back and making sure that he watched Alec’s back during a battle had been the extent of Jace’s concern he might have kept silent and hoped Alec would come round. He owed his brother that and so much more, but Alec wasn’t sleeping and his weight loss testified to the fact he wasn’t eating much either. Jace hated seeing Alec like this, and he hated even more that he could do nothing to take the pain away. He would dearly have liked to give the High Warlock a piece of his mind, or maybe his fist, but he knew that kind of self indulgence would only cause Alec more pain. So instead he waited in the shadowy light of early dawn to try to talk to Alec before their next training session. 

#### Chapter 2

Alec slipped quietly back into the institute, it was 3:00 am and he had come back after another solo hunting trip. His gear was covered in mud and blood, mostly demon, but some of his own too. Fighting was the only thing he’d found that distracted him from the awful pain of losing Magnus. It was like the worst wound he had ever received but it wouldn’t heal. He didn’t know how to deal with it. 

Alec was exhausted, but he dreaded sleep, nightmares of the breakup playing over and over again in his sleep; and if, through some miracle, the dream was of the time before, when he and Magnus were happy, then the nightmare was waking up. Quickly he stripped off his gear, ignoring the hard narrow bed and heading instead for the bathroom and a long, hot shower. 

As the hot almost scalding water pounded on his back, Alec tried desperately to stop thinking about Magnus, the exotic beauty of his face with the gold-green cat eyes; the wicked sense of humour and lust for life, the warmth and security Alec had always felt around him. Alec’s life seemed so cold and empty now, and it was his own fault. Magnus was better off without him.

Finally, stepping out of the shower, Alec dressed quickly in training gear intending to go down and work out by himself before the others joined him, hoping to lose himself in the demands of physical activity. Before he left the room, he checked his cell phone once again hoping against hope that there would be a message from Magnus, but there was nothing and his heart broke all over again. It was minutes before he could gather the shreds of his courage, wipe his tears away and leave the cold, desolate room.

Alec knew he should have something to eat just to keep up his energy for the training and the hunting that was sure to follow, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, feeling that anything he ate would make a nauseous return visit. Slowly he walked down the long corridor to the training room, head down, lost in his own painful memories. It was the unexpected sound of Jace’s voice that caused him to look up startled.

“Alec, this has to stop!” Jace said with more force than he’d originally intended. 

“What?” Alec said, knowing perfectly well, but unwilling to engage Jace at the moment.

“Do you think I don’t know what you’ve been doing, going out alone at night; hunting with no back up?” Jace stated his voice tinged with anger and concern. 

“So” Alec said mutinously.

Jace sighed, his anger dissipating as he saw the pain in Alec’s face. He looked so fragile and broken. “I know how hard this is for you” Jace said more softly, “but you have family that love and need you, so please let us help.”

Just then they were joined by Alec’s sister Isabelle, her long black hair slicked into a high ponytail, the predatory grin on her face saying she was eager for the training session to begin. At the sight of Alec’s face, however, her look softened to one of concern. “Alec, you look exhausted, why don’t you skip training today and try to get some rest?”

“I’m fine Izzy, let’s just get started” Alec snapped, turning quickly and pushing the training room door open before stepping into the room. Jace wheeled around and moved forward hoping to stop Alec only to run into his back as Alec stopped abruptly. Jace looked up to see what had caused his brother’s sudden stop and groaned inwardly as he saw the grim face of Robert Lightwood at the far end of the room waiting to supervise their training. Could this day really get any worse he thought as he moved purposely out from behind Alec.

#### Chapter 3

Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, lay curled on his large bed, eyes red, hair a mess, looking anything but imposing. It had been five weeks since his breakup with Alexander and about the same length of time since he’d left his bedroom. Magnus had lived for hundreds of years and in that time lost many people he loved. He knew the usual process of grieving, the steps that would eventually lead him back into his life given the requisite amount of time. The problem was that the loss of Alec wasn’t like any grieving he had done before. He was paralyzed by the pain.

Magnus vividly remembered his shock and anger as he followed Alec to the abandoned subway tunnel and confronted him about his betrayal. Even when he had been sure that Alec had not really intended to shorten his life, Magnus had been unable to stop himself from uttering the words; “I don’t want to see you again;” words that irrevocably changed both their lives. Alec hadn’t trusted him and there was no point in dragging it out.

Initially his anger had helped him walk away, and he spent the rest of the day visiting clients and aggressively not thinking about the pain in Alec’s blue eyes as those awful words rang in his ears. Ultimately, however, Magnus had had to return to the loft and that is where the full force of what happened hit him. He entered the dark, quiet loft and looked around the main living area, nothing seemed to be different and it struck him almost painfully that Alec had taken up very little room in his life; a drawer for his clothes; a hook near the door for his coat; his toothbrush in the bathroom. And then he saw it, sitting on the dining table, the key, Alec’s key and he fell to his knees sobbing uncontrollably.

Hours later he finally managed to pull himself together enough to stumble into the bedroom exhausted. As he entered the room he heard the soft, plaintive sound of his cat, Chairman Meow crying in the corner of the room. Magnus went over and found the cat curled up on the blue scarf he had asked Alec to wear the day he went to see the Seelie Queen when Jace was missing. The sight of that scarf almost undid him, as he bent to lift the small cat in one hand and the scarf in the other. “I miss him too” he murmured, his voice cracking as he moved over to the bed and lay down clutching the scarf tightly as if his life depended on it.

The next few weeks passed in a blur of pain and broken dreams. He cancelled all his appointments and refused to see the friends who dropped by to check on him. Periodically Magus would pick up his cell phone and check for messages. His finger lingering over the speed dial key for Alec’s number. Something always held him back, however, though he knew in his heart that if Alec came by or called him he would not have the strength to turn him away. The loft remained exactly as it had been the day Alec left, Magnus refusing to change anything that reminded him of his lost angel, though he knew it might be easier if he did. 

Sometime in the fifth week the buzzer sounded, and Magnus got up to send whoever was foolish enough to bother him away. “I DON’T CARE WHAT KIND OF EMERGENCY YOU THINK THIS IS, GO AWAY!!!” he snarled. The gentle voice that answered him took his breath away.

“Magnus let me in…please.”

It was Tessa, perhaps the only person (other than Alec) he would never turn away. Sighing, he buzzed her in and waited by the door as she climbed the stairs to his second floor loft. Tessa entered the room and swept Magnus into a tight hug. 

Magnus stood there shoulders heaving as he broke down in her arms and she continued to hold him, stoking his back, until his sobbing subsided. Tessa led him to the couch pushing him down gently, before going to the kitchen to make a cup of strong, sweet tea. Slowly, she got him to tell her the whole painful story. 

“It sounds to me like you still love him very much” she said when Magnus had done. “Perhaps you should consider trying to work out your differences together?”

“He is better off without me” Magnus snapped.

Sighing, Tessa let the subject drop for the time being, she encouraged Magnus to have something to eat, take a shower and change his clothes. Finally when he was looking more like the High Warlock she knew, Tessa began to tell Magnus about the situation with Sebastian and the demon trouble in New York. She wished the news was better, but she felt strongly it was time the High Warlock of Brooklyn, paid attention to the world around him. 

“Magnus, the shadowhunters of the New York Institute have been stretched to the breaking point and unless they get some help soon, I am afraid the Institute will collapse”.

Magnus face paled as he heard her words, had there been casualties? Was Alec alright? And then he remembered it was no longer his right to be concerned, he had lost that right by his own words… “I don’t want to see you again.” Still, he could not let the Institute fall and the city be overrun without lifting a finger to prevent it. Broken heart or not, it was a call to action and he would answer it. 

Magnus spent the next few days getting back into the game, making contact with other downworlders and organizing plans to defend the city against the demon threat. He told himself he would not back away from his city and he meant it; but a big part of him also hoped that what he was doing would help Alec. Together or not, he could not bear to think of a world without Alec in it.

#### Chapter 4

Robert Lightwood had returned from Alicante a bitter and angry man. It seemed to him, that all his dreams and ambitions had turned to ashes when he lost the Inquisitor’s job and he felt his own family, particularly Alec and Jace, had been responsible. Supervising in the training room was not something Robert did often but today was an exception. He was a big, powerful man just past his prime and he knew how to put trainees through their paces. He set a particularly punishing pace for this group which included Jace, Alec and Isabelle. 

Right from the start Alec struggled to keep up, he was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. His poor performance earned him scathing comments from his father which Alec tried desperately to tune out. Finally on a particularly difficult jump, Alec missed his footing and fell heavily to the ground. 

“If that is the best you can do, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten your parabati killed by now!” snarled Robert.

Jace who had dropped down to help Alec, was about to snap back when Alec stopped him. “Ie..let it go, doesn’t matter Jace.” he choked, putting a restraining hand on his brother’s arm. Jace scowled but abided by Alec’s wishes and they resumed training. Just as it seemed that the remaining time would pass without incident, Alec was knocked off his feet during a sparring match. It was the last straw. Robert strode over to Alec, grabbed him, shoved him up against the wall and began screaming abuse at him.

“You‘re pathetic, a disgrace to the name of Lightwood, and if things don’t change drastically I will personally see that your marks are stripped.”

Before a stunned Jace or Isabelle could move, Alec had yanked away from his father’s grip and left the training room at a run. Izzy was the first to recover and rounding on Robert she screamed, “the only disgrace here is you!” before flying out of the room to try and find Alec. Jace was hard on her heels. Reaching the main hallway Izzy stooped to grab a small silver object off the floor, it was a Lightwood family ring, Alec’s. Looking up at Jace, Izzy said in a small, scared voice; “Jace, we have to find him.”

Isabelle had know that her father did not really accept Alec’s being gay, or his former relationship with Magnus, but she had hoped it was a just question of time; that Robert truly loved Alec and would come around. Now she didn’t know what to think, it seemed as if her belief in a strong family was just a foolish dream, and that her father was a stranger she didn’t even know. 

Searching the Institute quickly, Jace and Isabelle finally ended up in Alec’s room, he was not there and they knew they would have to widen the search. While Jace went to get some weapons from the armory, Isabelle scanned her brother’s room to see if there was any clue to where he might have gone. As she passed his desk, her eye was drawn to a letter her brother had been writing, to Magnus. Isabelle knew she should respect her brother’s privacy, but she couldn’t stop herself from reading the letter. Alec had poured his heart and soul into that letter saying everything he had not been able to say to Magnus at their final meeting. It broke Izzy’s heart as she read the words that he had, in the end, not been able to send. Quickly she folded the letter and slipped it into her pocket with Alec’s ring. 

Jace returned with the weapons, and together they slipped out of the Institute. Isabelle knew in that moment that the three of them were family, and she and Jace would not rest until Alec was back safe with them.

#### Chapter 5

Alec ran, he did not know in what direction, or even for how long, but he ran until the stitch in his side and the shaking of his legs forced him to stop. Gulping in large gasps of air, he tried to slow his heart rate and take in a little of his surroundings so he could form some kind of plan. How had his life spiraled so far out of control? How had he ended up here, alone, afraid and in pain? 

Central Park was not where he would have chosen to go, the fae presence made it less than safe, but perhaps he could find a quiet spot to rest and regroup. Seeing a large tree just off the path he was following, Alec slipped down under its sheltering branches with his back against the rough bark of the trunk. He closed his eyes intending just to rest for a moment, but emotionally and physically exhausted, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Several hours later, Alec woke with a start. Memories of the awful training session came flooding back and his eyes started to sting with the unshed tears he tried desperately to hold back. His father’s words… “You are a disgrace” playing over and over in his mind. He took a deep breath and shook his head no, if he listened to that he would have to believe he was unacceptable and what he’d had with Magnus unnatural. Alec would never do that. He may not be able to change the way his father thought, but he would never again hide who he was or deny the truth of his love for Magnus.

The sound of sirens in the distance snapped him back to the present, night was falling and soon there would be demons about. Alec, still in his training gear, with just a dagger slipped into the side of his boot, knew he needed to get back to the Institute. Whatever the future may hold, he was first and foremost a Shadowhunter, and there was work to be done. 

Alec rose stiffly to his feet and stretched to relieve his cramped muscles. The cracking of a twig off to his left caused him to whirl in that direction just in time to see a Ravener demon about to spring. Alec leapt, using the tree to push off and smash into the demon with enough force to knock it off its feet. Rolling back to his feet, he took off at a run knowing he did not have the weapons he needed to fight the demon, and the runes he’d applied for training that morning were fading fast. 

Just as Alec thought he was going to make good on his escape, however, the air around him began to swirl and a sinister black fog circled him. As it rose above his head the fog seemed to solidify into the shape of a large skull with burning red eyes and two long, powerful arms ending in razor sharp claws. A Shedim demon; Alec had studied them in his demonology textbook and knew even if he’d been fully geared up his chances of survival were pretty slim. 

Shedim were very rare and, in the mortal dimension, they could change from the black fog that Alec had first noticed to a more solid state in the blink of an eye. Shedims were fast, strong and deadly; their long, sharp claws containing a slow acting poison that paralyzed the victim before finally stopping its heart. Claw wounds could be cured as long as treatment was received promptly; a bite from the Shedim’s serrated fangs was another matter. The poison contained in that bite invariably resulted in madness and death.

Faster than Alec believed possible, the demon grabbed him around the waist and lifted him about ten feet off the ground intending to administer a fatal bite. Alec was not going down without a fight, however, and slipping the dagger from his boot slashed the demon’s wrist. Screaming, the Shedim released Alec, he fell to the ground and rolled quickly back onto his feet, but before he could make another move the demon’s claws raked him across his left arm and shoulder. Alec gasped as pain shot through him. So this was how it would end, he would die here not having seen Magnus since that awful day in the subway tunnel, not being able to tell him, once again, how sorry he was and how much he still loved him.

#### Chapter 6

It was late afternoon when Jace and Isabelle arrived at Magnus’ apartment building. They had searched everywhere for Alec without success. Jace looked over and saw Izzy take a deep, steadying breath. Neither of them wanted to be here. As they stood in the shadows watching, they noticed a steady stream of downworlders coming and going from the building.

“I wonder what that’s all about?” Jace said softly.

“Bit early for a party, don’t you think?” Isabelle replied sarcastically. 

Biting back a sharp laugh that held no humour in it, Jace muttered, “come on, let’s get this over with.”

Slipping in the door as a werewolf, probably one of Luke’s pack, left, Izzy and Jace made their way up the rickety stairs to Magnus’ loft. Izzy found herself thinking about all the times she had been here before. Alec had been happy then, free for the first time to be himself, and so in love with Magnus. Isabelle had always believed that hearts were fragile and not to be given away easily. Now she wished her brother had been more careful with his. 

Jace was the first to reach the door giving it three sharp raps. The door opened and Isabelle got her first look at Magnus over Jace’s shoulder. He looked different, gone were the brightly coloured clothes and glitter. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans, his hair was down falling softly around his face in shiny black sheets. He looked tired, dark circles under his gold-green eyes. For half a second, before he realized who they were, Izzy thought she saw the same heartbroken look on Magnus’ face she had seen so often on Alec’s over the last few weeks, before it changed to a blank unreadable expression.

“Didn’t you get the memo?” Magnus snapped. “Alec and I are through and I don’t do favours for shadowhunters anymore. If you need work done call and make an appointment like everybody else, and bring your cheque book.”

Jace stepped forward crowding Magnus just a little. Isabelle reached out putting a hand on Jace’s shoulder, a silent remainder that they needed Magnus’s help no matter how angry they were. Then she spoke to Magnus directly, “It’s an emergency, we need to have someone tracked and we will pay whatever it costs.” 

Magnus thought he had never heard Isabelle sound so much like her mother, Maryse; the same cold, business-like tone. Why had they come, if it was a simple tracking spell they needed weren’t there other perfectly good warlocks they could call? Maybe he should just do what they asked now and get them out of his apartment so he could be alone with his pain. He had planned to get a lot of work done today, but with memories of Alec flooding into his mind, he knew it would be impossible. Letting out a heavy sigh, Magnus stepped aside allowing the two shadowhunters to enter his loft. 

“Who are you looking for, and have you brought me something of theirs to focus the spell?” he demanded, all business now. 

Isabelle stepped forward and taking her hand out of her pocket dropped a silver ring into Magnus’ outstretched palm. “Alec” was all she said. The effect on Magnus was immediate and physical. His face became deathly pale and he had to grab the back of a chair for support as his knees started to give out. Jace stepped forward and helped guide Magnus to a chair.

“You still love him! Izzy exclaimed.

“Of course I do!” Magnus snapped, “Now tell me what happened, why is Alec missing?”

Isabelle wasted no time in telling Magnus about the last few weeks; Alec’s state of mind; the solo hunting; the terrible incident in the training room with their father. Magnus’s face was a mask of pain and concern as she finished. 

“Why when you so obviously still love him, did you break my brother’s heart?” Izzy demanded unable to stop herself.

“Because he did not trust me!” Magnus almost shouted, trying to end a conversation he desperately didn’t want to have.

“Did you give him any reason to trust you Magnus? Were you open with him about yourself and your past? Jace asked quietly. “Alec put his whole life on the line for you; he could have been expelled from the Clave for admitting he was gay and involved with a warlock. I don’t think this has anything to do with Alec not trusting you. I think you didn’t want to tell your secrets, so you broke up with Alec because you’re afraid to trust anyone.”

Magnus’s mind reeled as he tried to reject Jace’s words, but couldn’t quite manage it. Secrets, his past, protection, and guilt were all intertwined in the rush of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. With great effort, Magnus pushed his painful thoughts away to focus on the ring in his hand and murmur the words of the tracking spell. A minute later he gave Jace and Izzy Alec’s exact location in Central Park.

Without a word, Jace turned on his heel and left the Loft. Izzy hesitated a moment, looking at Magnus’s stricken face. “This belongs to you,” she said softly, pulling Alec’s letter out of her pocket, and leaving it on the table near Magnus’s chair as she followed Jace out of the loft.

#### Chapter 7

As the door to the loft clicked shut, Magnus lost the battle to control his emotions. Memories of his time with Alec flashed through his mind, torturing him with the truth of Jace’s words. Magnus had never loved anyone the way he loved Alec and his loss was like a constant ache that even time did not seem to lessen. Tears were streaming down his face as he laid his head down on the table and gave into the pain of his broken heart. 

Magnus didn’t know how long he remained like that, but when he looked up again, the apartment was dark; the only light coming from a small lamp on the table which left most of the room in dark, gloomy shadows. As he lifted his aching head, he saw the paper that Isabelle had left behind. Picking it up, Magus unfolded it and read….

Dear Magnus,

I know you don’t want to hear from me ever again, and except for this letter, I will try to respect your wishes. I just need to tell you again how desperately sorry I am, though I know how inadequate those words are. I did not visit Camille because I was still considering her offer; I went because she was willing to talk to me about you.

You said I wasn’t trivial, but we both know that wasn’t true. How could I ever have been anything else? You never chose to share yourself with me and I was so afraid of losing you, I did the one thing that guaranteed I would. 

I realize now how foolish it all was. There was never any hope for us. You deserve so much more than I could ever be. Please know that I will always love you and treasure the time we had. You have changed me forever, and if there is ever a time when you need a shadowhunter, please let it be me.

Your,  
Alexander.

And there it was, everything clicked into place. His own words seemed to come back to him mockingly; “If you want to know something about my past, Alexander, all you have to do is ask;” but it wasn’t really true, every time Alec had asked, Magnus changed the subject or used humour to deflect the conversation. Keeping his own council and not letting anyone get too close was Magnus’s way of protecting himself from heartbreak and loss. He had been doing it for years and it was second nature to him; but no one had ever loved Magnus the way that Alec did, risking everything that mattered to him rather than risking losing Magnus. And how had Magnus responded? He had kept the boy at arm’s length, left him to deal with the immortality and the secrets alone. If Magnus had opened a portal to that subway station, he could not have done more to leave Alec vulnerable to Camille’s manipulation. 

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ever believed his secrets were more important than the love of his life? Magnus knew he had to make this right, he had to talk to Alexander; tell him how sorry he was; how much he loved him; ask his forgiveness. 

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Magnus pushed himself out of the chair and moved toward the door. The unexpected sound of his cell phone stopped him and he glanced down to see Isabelle’s name flash on the screen. “Bane;” he said curtly into the phone.

“Magnus, please;” Isabelle’s voice sound rushed, almost frantic. “We barely arrived at the park in time, Alec’s been wounded by a Shedim Demon and if we don’t get the antidote…”

“I’m on my way!” Magnus cut her off, racing to his work room to grab the right potion and open a portal to the park.

#### Chapter 8

The scene at Central Park was chaotic. Jace and Izzy had had to call for reinforcements as more demons arrived, drawn to the scene by the sounds of battle, like sharks drawn to the presence of blood in the water. Magnus desperately scanned the area trying to find Alec in all the confusion. Several times he was forced to defend himself from the Demons that crossed his path. At last, however he saw Alec’s prone form and made a beeline for the fallen shadowhunter.

Reaching Alec, Magnus dropped to his knees, only marginally comforted by the shallow rise and fall of the boy’s chest as he struggled to breathe. Alec was semi conscious, his eyes fluttering open occasionally, but he didn’t seem to be aware of his surroundings or Magnus’ presence. Raising Alec’s head slightly, Magnus poured the Shedim antidote down his throat carefully so the boy wouldn’t choke. Gently, Magnus let Alec’s head fall back as he checked the shadowhunter for other injuries. 

Earlier that day at the loft, Isabelle had told Magnus that Alec was not dealing well with their breakup, and now, looking at the boy he could see it for himself. Alec looked exhausted, dark shadows like bruises under his eyes. He had always had a slightly fragile look that belied his shadowhunter strength, but Magnus could tell the boy had lost weight which only heightening that look of fragility. 

Despite the battle that raged around them, Magnus found himself getting lost in his memories of Alexander. He remembered the boy’s shy smile, his unruly black hair and the gentle laugh that Magnus never heard often enough. Most of all he remembered those beautiful blue eyes that were the mirrors of Alec’s soul. No matter how stoic his features, Magnus could always tell how Alec was feeling by the changes in those amazing eyes. Magnus had seen them become a deep stormy gray when Alec was angry or upset, a light sparkling blue when he was happy and a deep intense blue when love and passion ruled him. It was that deep intense blue that Magnus had most often seen when Alec looked at him. Magnus realized in that moment the only thing that truly mattered was to have Alec back. He wanted to hold Alec close and erase the pain of the last five weeks. He knew it would not be easy for him to open up to Alec, but he also knew that that was nothing compared to the pain of being without him.

A sudden movement brought Magnus’ attention back to the present Alec was stirring, beginning to sit up. Magnus looked up, straight into Alec’s eyes and froze. The hatred and anger he saw mirrored in those cold blue eyes paralyzed him and he made no move to avoid the shadowhunter’s strong arm as it knocked him roughly aside. Magnus head struck the ground hard when he fell. The physical pain overwhelming him seemed to mirror the terrible emotional pain he was feeling until merciful blackness surrounded him and he felt no more.

#### Chapter 9

Magnus groaned as he moved his head slightly; this was not good, his body ached, the slightest movement of his head was enough to make him nauseous. He knew the hard, narrow bed underneath him meant he wasn’t at home. Had he been out partying too hard and crashed somewhere? Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around, it was difficult at first because the room was spinning, but gradually things came into focus. He was in a small room, with white walls and a dark wooden floor. It was tidy and almost monastic in its severity and lack of creature comforts. It was also painfully familiar, this was Alec’s room at the Institute; and with that the memories came flooding back. 

A small groan escaped Magnus’ lips and the next thing he saw was Izzy bending over him a look of concern in her dark eyes.

“Magnus, you’re awake!” she exclaimed softly reaching over to brush the hair off his forehead. It was an oddly tender gesture for the usually tough, stoic Isabelle. The effect on Magnus however was like a match to dry tinder. His fury broke making him forget the pain in his head and his aching body. He sat up abruptly ignoring the resulting wave of dizziness that struck him.

“How dare you bring me here!” he snarled causing Izzy to take an involuntary step backwards. “Bad enough that you tricked me into thinking Alec still cared, but to bring me to his room, what the hell are you playing at?” Blue sparks flashed from Magnus’ finger tips as he struggled to get his temper under control.

Isabelle moved over to the bed again, grasping Magnus’s shoulders and pushing him back down on the pillows. “I brought you here because you were hurt and I knew Alec would want me to take good care of you.” she stated in firm tones. “You did your best to save my brother and I will be eternally grateful for that.” Izzy’s voice broke slightly as she uttered the last words.

The anger drained out of Magnus replaced by pain and confusion. “Your brother hates me Isabelle. I wouldn’t be here now with a splitting headache otherwise.” 

Magnus saw Isabelle’s eyebrows shoot up. “Magnus, No!” she cried sitting gently on the edge of the bed as she reached out to hold him gently. “Alec wasn’t trying to hurt you, there was a Ravener demon coming up behind you. If he hadn’t pushed you out of the way, you would have been killed.” 

It took a few moments for her words to sink in, and a few more for him to realize that with him out of the way the Ravener demon would have had a clear shot at an almost defenceless Alec. Pushing Izzy back slightly, Magnus asked, in a strangled voice, “Isabelle, what happened to Alec, is he alright?” The answer seemed to take forever coming and Magnus felt like he could not breathe.

“No, he’s not alright, Magnus. The Silent Brothers are with him but he’s not responding and they don’t hold out much hope.”

“Help me up!” Magnus cried. “I have to see him, now!”

With Izzy’s help, Magnus struggled to his feet. It took a few minutes for the dizziness to subside and with her help he was able to move slowly out of Alec’s room and down the hall to the Infirmary; each step taking him closer to Alec. He just prayed it wasn’t too late. 

#### Chapter 10

The Infirmary was a long, cold white room with hard narrow beds lined up along two walls. Some of the beds were occupied by wounded shadowhunters from the battle at Central Park. Magnus scanned the Infirmary quickly looking for Alec and spotted the form of a tall grim faced Silent Brother hovering over the last bed in the corner of the room. 

Nodding briefly to the Silent Brother, Magnus moved to the other side of Alec’s bed. The boy’s face was deathly pale, his breathing ragged and shallow. Izzy pulled curtains around the bed and ushered everyone out to give Magnus’ the privacy he need to work. 

Gently the warlock brushed the hair from Alec’s face and placed a gentle kiss on his sweaty forehead feeling the boy stir slightly at the contact. Knowing the Silent Brother had already neutralized the demon poison, Magnus took Alec’s hand, brushing their alliance rune with his thumb, and let his energy flow into the shadowhunter’s body. As the energy burned brightly between them, Magnus began to talk quietly to the unconscious boy.

“Please Alec, don’t leave me, I know you weren’t trying to shorten my life and I was just as much to blame for the whole mess as you, maybe more. If I had been more open with you in the first place none of this would have happened. I’ve held my secrets close for so many years now, I’m not sure how to let anyone in; but I know I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to even imagine a world without you.”

“M-Magnus?” the words came out like the softest whisper. “Thank God you’re okay.”

Magnus glanced up to see azure blue eyes fluttering open and Alec struggling to sit up. “Hey beautiful, take it easy, you need to rest” Magnus said as he gently pushed the boy back down onto the pillows and kissed his cheek.

“I am so sorry.…” Alec began.

“Hush,” Magnus said quietly. “We’ll have lots of time to talk later when you are feeling better, and in the mean while just know that I love you and I am never letting you go again.”

Alec’s eyes began to shine and a small smile teased his lips at the warlock’s words. “I love you so, so much. Please, please take me home?”

The breath caught in Magnus’ throat at Alec’s words. Despite everything that had happened between them, that Alec still considered Magnus’ loft home touched him deeply. “Just close your eyes and rest now while I make the arrangements;” He said softly placing a light kiss on Alec’s forehead. When the boy’s steady breathing told Magnus that he was asleep, he turned quietly away and went to find Jace or Isabelle.

Magnus didn’t have to go very far, Isabelle was sitting in the hall anxiously waiting for word on her brother’s condition. She looked up questioningly as soon as she spotted Magnus. 

“He’s going to be alright;” Magnus said quietly. 

“Thank God!” was Isabelle’s heartfelt response. “Thank you Magnus for all you’ve done…”

“No!” Magnus said interrupting the girl. “If you and Jace had not snapped me out of my own stupidity, I might have lost the love of my life. I owe you, both of you!”

“Does that mean you and Alec are back together?” Isabelle squealed. Excitement always made her voice rise in volume and pitch.

Magnus winced slightly, his head was still aching, but the big smile spreading across his face told Izzy everything she wanted to know. She rose from her seat and threw her arms around Magnus giving him a big hug. 

Quickly Magnus explained to Isabelle that, although he was asleep now, Alec had expressed the desire to go home, to the loft. He noticed a look of relief pass across Izzy’s face and was about to question her, when a disturbance at the far end of the hall caught his attention. Striding toward them, face twisted in anger, was Robert Lightwood.

“What in Hell are you doing here;” snarled Robert, glaring at the warlock and stepping into him menacingly. 

A low growl seemed to come from the back of Magnus’ throat and his eyes glinted dangerously as he looked at the enraged shadowhunter; 

“Alec would have died if Magnus wasn’t here to heal him!” Isabelle exclaimed, stress evident in her sharp tones.

“Better he should have died than bring anymore disgrace to this Institute!” Robert hissed between clenched teeth. Hatred seemed to radiate off him in sickening waves. Isabelle’s eyes flared in anger as she stepped between the two men, ignoring both her father’s clenched fists and the electric blue sparks dancing dangerously from Magnus’ fingertips.

“Alec has never disgraced this Institute!” her voice responded now cold and deadly calm. 

Robert Lightwood’s hand rose as if to strike his daughter, but before anything further could happen, a strong, commanding voice rang out. “Robert, the Clave has gathered in the conference room; your presence is required, I will handle this.” Maryse Lightwood, flanked by several shadowhunters swept up to those gathered outside the Infirmary. Without another word, Robert turned on his heal and stalked off toward the conference room.

Maryse watched silently, her expression unreadable, as Robert disappeared down the hall, then she turned to Magnus; “I’m sorry,” she said; “He has not been well since coming back from Idris, though that is not an excuse for what’s happened here.” Her voice was stiff and formal as she spoke those words, only softening when she added; “You saved my son’s life, I will never be able to express my gratitude to you for that.”

Just then, Isabelle, who had been silent up until then, spoke up; “Magnus has just come out to ask that arrangements be made to take Alec back home, to the loft.”

Maryse, stifling any surprise she may have felt, looked over at Izzy; “Please go and arrange for an Institute car, then pack some things for your brother.” Reluctantly Isabelle left, and Maryse turned once again to the warlock saying; “My son loves you very much, and these past weeks have been hard on him. Alexander does not love easily, but when he does love, it is without reserve, without question. I don’t think I have ever had the courage to love as unconditionally as he does. Painful as this is for me to admit, until recently, I did not realize how important you were to my son. I am sorry for that, perhaps if I had been more supportive…” She let the words die away and, with an effort, gathered herself together. 

Magnus didn’t think he had ever seen the stoic, imposing Maryse Lightwood look more vulnerable. “I love Alec more than life itself and I am very grateful to have a chance to put things right between us.” Magnus spoke quietly, but there was the strength of truth and conviction in his words. 

“Let me do now what I should have done before,” Maryse said her voice breaking slightly with emotion as she gave him in a quick, fierce hug. “Take good care of each other, you have something worth fighting for;” then she turned and went into the Infirmary to see her son.

#### Chapter 11

Alec drifted slowly back to consciousness like a swimmer struggling to break the surface of the water after a particularly deep dive. He felt warm, protected and safe something he had not felt for quite some time, and it made him think he was still dreaming. He smelled the spicy scent of Magnus and magic in the air around him and his heart skipped a beat, if this was a dream he didn’t want to wake up. 

“Morning beautiful;” Magnus whispered as Alec’s blue eyes fluttered open. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh God Magnus, you’re really here! I was so afraid I was just dreaming.” Alec breathed as Magnus tightened his arms around the boy’s trembling body.

“Hush my love, I was foolish enough to let you go once, I promise it will never happen again;” Magnus whispered softly in Alec’s ear. The boy nuzzled into Magnus’ neck in response, and Magnus ran his fingers through Alec’s soft, black hair, something he knew would help the boy relax. 

As Alec drifted back to sleep, Magnus wondered how he could have been so blind. His focus on the present and preserving his secrets had been developed over years to cope with the heartbreak and loss immortality inevitably brought. He hadn’t even considered how that coping method would affect Alec, that his reticence would be perceived as shutting Alec out, trivializing him. It would not be easy to change such long standing habits, but Alec was everything to him and Magnus knew he had to try.

The next time Alec awoke, it was to the soft rattle of dishes as Magnus brought him food and helped to prop him up against the headboard of the bed. “You need to eat if you are going to get your strength back;” he said when Alec looked like he might protest. 

“Why are you so good to me? I messed everything up Magnus, though God knows I didn’t want to.” The evident distress on Alec’s face made Magnus’ heart tighten in his chest, and though he had hoped to give Alec more time to rest and recover before they talked about their recent problems, he knew it couldn’t wait.

“Alec, when I told you I didn’t want to see you again, I was angry, believing first that you had tried to shorten my life and then that you never truly trusted me. I did not see the ways in which I contributed to your lack of trust; even though you tried often enough to tell me. If I had been more open with you, you never would have sought Camille out, none of this would have happened. Now, no more talk, you need to eat and then rest.”

After Alec had finished eating, Magnus snapped the tray back to the kitchen and climbed on to the bed wrapping his arms around the boy. Alec nuzzled into him, craving the warmth and contact. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, alternately kissing and slipping into a light doze.

Magnus was the first to wake, tightening his grip on Alec just a little as if to ensure himself the boy was really there. Alec stirred slightly and murmured “I love you;” softly as ne nuzzled into Magnus neck. Magnus leaned down, tilting Alec’s head up and capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. The kiss soon deepened as they both felt the fire of their passion and longing overwhelm them. 

#### Chapter 12

Magnus and Alec spent the next several days secluded in the loft, Alec healing from his injuries and both of them rejoicing in being reunited. Alec was grateful that his family respected their privacy and only sent the odd text message to see how he was. The outside world would claim them again soon enough and he wanted to spend this time focused on Magnus and their relationship. Hard as it had been, he knew that overcoming their issues and dealing with the separation would make them stronger as a couple.

Alec watched Magnus come into the living room with two cups of coffee, one a mocha latte sugar bomb and the other black with a bit of sugar, just as he liked it. Setting the steaming mugs on the coffee table, Magnus settled on the couch beside Alec and took him into his arms, planting a soft kiss on his temple. 

“We need to talk, love;” he whispered stroking Alec’s black hair gently. “I know I have always been unwilling to discuss my past. It is not easy for me to do it, not least because I’m afraid it might change how you feel about me…”

“Magnus no!” Alec interrupted; “nothing will ever change how I…”

“Hush, sweetheart let me get this out while I still have the courage. You know of course that as a Warlock, my mother was human and my father was a demon, not just any demon, however, a Prince of Hell, My father was…”

“Lucifer;” Alec said quietly, finishing Magnus’ statement. “I know and I don’t care. You are not responsible for the manner of your birth. It’s you I love not your parents.”

Magnus looked shocked. “H-how long have you know?” He stammered.

“Since you raised Azazel to help separate Jace from Sebastian; the demon was concerned that he not offend your father and you told us that Azazel was the second only to Lucifer.”

“But, sayang, why didn’t you say anything?” Magnus gasped in surprise.

Alec paused for a moment, his breath hitching slightly; he loved it when Magnus called him ‘dear’ in his native Indonesian; shaking his head slightly as though to refocus on the question, Alec replied:”I wanted you to tell me, not because I guessed, but because I was worth your trust.”

Magnus shook his head never in all his long years had he met anyone who loved him the way this young shadowhunter did, unreservedly, unconditionally, with his whole heart and soul. Looking into those amazing blue eyes, Magnus realized just how foolish he had been to walk away from this love. Alec had risked everything for him, his family, his marks, his future and Magnus had walked away rather than risk his secrets. He was ashamed. “Alec, I am not sure I deserve the love you feel for me, but I know that I will do everything I can to hold on to it.”

“Magnus I will always love you, and I know that I was also to blame for what happened. You warned me about Camille. Please just tell me we can work things out; that we can have a second chance to be together.”

“Aku cinta kamu;” Magnus whispered the words like a prayer. “And it changes everything. Alexander Gideon Lightwood, I am never letting you go again.” With that, Magnus pulled Alec into a passionate embrace which neither was willing to break. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reposting of an old story I wrote 4 years ago. It was my first fanfiction. I will be moving all my stories to AO3 in the near future, and I hope that old and new readers will enjoy finding it here.


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